Fat people in skinny jeans-Not

WTF! Listen, I am not a big girl and even I don’t wear skinny jeans unless I’m having a good day.  The other day I saw a woman wearing skinnies whose hips were so wide, I could actually see her pants developing stretch marks before my eyes.  So let me give you some friendly guidelines so that you won’t be caught slippin and we don’t have to look at your fatal errors.

  1. 1.  If you wear double digits in women’s sizes, this is just not your thing, hey at least you’re not part of the itty-bitty committee.
  2. 2.  If you need spanx to get into them. Please refer to #1
  3. 3.  If you have never been called slim, petite, little, or model like.
  4. 4.  If people yell out muffin, or I could really do without muffin top every time you’re around.
  5. 5.  If you have been called big-boned, chunky, thick, round, or bubbly, trust me I used to be in this category and I didn’t wear them then.
  6. 6.  If you are a MAN these are not for you ok!  We haven’t started taking out the trash and growing chest hair, let us have our thing! -ky